Are you separated from your loved one? Do you miss him unbearably? Are your feelings for him interfering with your life so that you aren’t coping well with daily living? Is missing a loved one taking over your life? Then you need to learn how to you manage your feelings when you miss him. How does one manage their feelings when they miss a loved one?
Accept this phase of your life. Missing a loved one requires that in your mind you accept that this is a phase of your life that will come to an end. This of course means that you had both agreed on the length of your separation and the reasons why you had to be separated. If you were in agreement then you must come to terms with this as a phase that will soon pass. If you accept that truth then you will not spend all your energy resenting and regretting this phase of your life. Instead you will realize that since it will not last forever you can handle it with strength and grace. If however you did not agree on the separation then you cannot move on until you and your partner thrash out the issue so that you can make peace with it as a reality in your relationship.
Minimize the uncertainties and fears that bother you both. The hardest part of missing a loved one is all the fears and uncertainties that separation brings. Your fear may be that he will get attracted and attached to another woman who he interacts and sees on a more regular basis. Or you may doubt his ability and willingness to remain faithful to you over a period of absence. You may worry that he will get attached to the new area and not want to come back home or you may be terrified that he will change on you so that the man who comes back to you is unrecognizable from the one who left you. Whatever your fears and uncertainties discuss them with your partner and find ways to reduce them. You must agree before the separation what is acceptable behavior between him and other women and what is acceptable behavior between you and other men. And what either of you should do when the lines are crossed by either one of you. Do this for all the areas of worry so that you can at least be on the same page in regard to the separation. There is nothing more hurtful then remaining faithful to someone who thought that separation meant that he didn’t have to be faithful so define your separation as clearly as possible to avoid any hurt misunderstandings.
Keep in touch on a regular basis. With today’s advances in technology you can keep in really close communication from almost anywhere in the country or in the world. So agree on what you shall both do to keep the communication flowing on a regular and sustained basis. You may not be able to get a daily update but a weekly or bi-weekly Skype conversation or communication should be possible, fun and an emotionally soothing if done properly. You don’t want to use the conversation to guilt him for being away or to worry him with details that he cannot help you with or other non productive conversations. You want to focus on each other and how each is really doing, the joys and challenges each is experiencing, the fun tidbits that each encountered and of course your feelings for one another. To manage your feelings about missing a loved one, talk to him as often as is healthy and feasible for both of you.
Occupy yourself fully in living. Resist the temptation to put your life on hold until he gets back as that will make the aching hole inside even bigger than it should be. We are often deceived into thinking that if we love him then we should be miserable until he gets back. However much you love him, your life must go on. Yes, you miss him but you must keep living as normally as you can. So occupy the time that you spent with him with other activities that build you up as a person. Go back to school or take a course or take up a hobby or do that thing that you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have the time. You will still miss him but you will not be sitting at home brooding and drowning in misery. And when you do talk to him then your conversation will be all the richer from the things that you are experiencing. And you will be surprised at the joy that these new activities are bringing into your life.
Missing a loved one is emotionally difficult but if you both manage the process well then you can use the period of absence to strengthen yourselves and your relationship.
Now that you are physically apart you can use this time to evaluate your relationship using these simple compatibility tests or you can get to know your partner even better using these key relationship questions that you each work on alone and share the results by e-mail so that your time apart is used for the good of your relationship.