After the distress and upheaval of a divorce getting back on your feet again can seem to be a daunting prospect. There are often important legal and financial matters to consider. But first let’s look at the personal areas of concern that often need attention.
Let’s look at ways to get back on your feet:
- Self-esteem and confidence regularly take a battering before and during a divorce. Often people feel a failure, that they have let themselves and others down. Disappointment is often a significant factor after a relationship breakdown. Counselling and hypnotherapy can help with understanding what went wrong, help you to learn from the experience and recover in a positive and stronger way. It helps you to pick yourself up and get back on your feet again.
- Becoming more independent is an important next step to take. Often couples share friends, social interests, make decisions together, so taking these steps on own’s can feel daunting and scary. Many couples have their own his and her jobs, so the husband may deal with the finances, car and household maintenance whilst the wife does the cooking and domestic chores. Learning to do each other’s jobs can be overwhelming at first. Attending a Get Back on Your Feet Workshop, asking for help, taking things a step at a time, keeping a sense of proportion, laughing at your mistakes can all make the transition easier.
- Establishing a new social life can be difficult at first. Time and money may be limited, children may be unsettled and not want to be separated from you, friends may have divided loyalties. There is no rush. Take time to settle into your new lifestyle. Accept invitations for coffee or dinner, get used to being single and start building several friendships as a person in your own right.
- The family home often starts to feel very different after a divorce. It has usually been contaminated with arguments, distress and the trauma of the breakup of the relationship. Many people decide to have a fresh start and find satisfaction in putting their personality and energy into establishing a new home for themselves and perhaps their children. Often too, there are financial considerations in retaining the marital home. Dependant on the agreed settlement and whether or not there are children to consider, many people agree that tying up all their money and keeping the marital home may be fine as a short-term solution whilst they heal and decide on their next step. But it is often not the most viable longterm solution.
- Possessions can be a dilemma. Keeping significant items or items of special sentimental value can be a mixed blessing. There can be heated discussions over who keeps what, but often getting rid of things can be both cathartic and symbolic. Do you really want to remember the time when you bought that picture or television set every time you enter the room?
- Sleeping alone can feel strange at first. But it’s amazing how quickly people get used to sleeping in the whole of a double bed when before they always used to sleep on their own side. Help the readjustment and make your bedroom a haven where you celebrate your personality. You can open/ close the windows now, change the curtains, get rid of the mini office space. Put a little lavender on your pillow, maybe take a shower or relaxing bath and get cozy in your bed. You can wear your flannelette nightie now if you want!
- Work often becomes more important. There may be a requirement to earn money or a desire to achieve something special for yourself, or both. Get help in re-writing your cv, investigate career options and maybe consider re-training. Often this is a good time to consider a fresh start and look at that career path you always wanted to follow. This time can be used as a catalyst for change, when everything is already up in the air. So why not choose to seize the moment and make positive changes for a better life. Get back on your feet again and feel strong.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who runs Get Back on Your Feet Workshops in conjuction with a family lawyer and financial adviser. These are tailored to provide the confidence, knowledge and skill sets to heal and recover from your divorce. They cover the important areas that often need to be addressed after your divorce.
Further help, advice and articles are available on this and other related subjects.
For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net